Confession: My faith has always been lacking

And this has been one of the hardest four years ever. It has challenged me with my family, my friends and just in generally. I am generally a type A control freak kinda person. I have grown up mostly in a Catholic family. I went to Baptist school…………..I have heard it all. I know in my head more than my heart that I do not need to worry about my future and that I will end up where I belong. Its just hard.

And another thing that is hard for me to phantom is that someone actually wants me to be happy and wants the best for me. Its hard for me to understand………Its also hard for me to understand how I do not have to gain someone’s love. That’s how its been my entire life. It just happens that is part of the reason I work my butt off. But then again something that I want is to get a job. Its hard for me to believe people when they appear to have their life together…..or at least have a job because I have been looking for a job- anything for about three years. And when people say to wait about having a job and that eventually the right guy will come along at the right time…..I AM TIRED OF WAITING. And Quite frankly seriously doubt God right now.

So sorry I am little hard to trust him— I cant see him, I can barley trust people I meet. So yeah. I am seriously doubting he knows what is best for me and wants what is best for me , where has he been since like 2008?? Seems to be nonexistent.


So all that being said…….I am gonna try and trust him. I mean things are looking better with my family. That and I am a logical person and it goes against logic. I am difficult and subborn and I know it.

Thankful Thursday

Because well I just go through my days and never really take the time to think about all the awesome stuff I have going for me or the people or opportunities I have presented with:

  1. The retreat that I had two weeks ago. It was with my campus ministry that I am a part of it, it was the annual Fall retreat that I have gone every year since Freshman year and in the process made some great friends and also realized jus how great God is and that he in fact has a plan.
  2. My Roommates; Like I have had roommates in all my other years but we never really got along we just functioned enough to not kill each other. They care about me and worry about me when I get into some of my bad habits; They aren’t that bad but they are just what happens when I get too involved in my work . That’s another post,
  3. Girls Group and how it makes me focus on what is really important. That being no matter what career I pursue or job I land after graduation is that we have a purpose and God is amazing and wants what is best for us. He wants all of his daughters to feel like they are wanted cause they are and He wants us to fall in love with him like he has with us. We should run to him instead of others and just trust in him and fall into his hands and he will protect us and let us rest.
  4. People like Rand Paul, and the Speaker of House……that they are willing to fight for the liberties that our country was founded upon. That we still have some politicians who are fighting for what the founders fought so hard to get and will not back down. ( I am a Political Science Major so I am following the news and CSPAN for the government shut down like its my job cause it kinda is) Disclaimer: These are my thoughts and no one else’s.
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