If this ever happens……………… You are a special person
How many sources of caffeine can you find??
Ok so I like coffee. A LOT.
I am absolutely horrible at it. I am waiting to hear back from so many internships including the one I had the interview for. And I keep checking my email like every hour on the hour. And because I do not like not knowing I keep applying but if given the opportunity I would totally accept the one that seems most promising.
What makes it so hard is that basically I have slowly realized over this semester that I have never really wanted anything more. And that I just feel like its where I belong, crazy as that sounds, Washington DC.
Until I hear back I have a couple more internships to apply to, two papers to write, a Spanish test to study for………… I have stuff to keep me busy but its so hard when you feel like you are so close to something that you have wanted for ever, or at least until sophomore year of high school.
And I have to not get ahead of myself………..it may be a little late for that. I already spent two hours on google maps exploring DC.
I just checked my email again……Its all I have been doing. And I am now waiting to hear back from three different internships. But oddly enough I am really relaxed and feel like i could sleep all weekend, but unfortunately i cannot. I have stuff I need to be doing…..but i keep checking my email. I am not supposed to hear anything till next week.
This is harder than I thought it would be.
This is how I feel right now. Like I can barley keep my head above the water but I also feel that all my work will pay off in the end. But right now its all falling apart around me and I am in one big giant mystery of where is my life going. And that maybe just maybe the past three years of hell in various ways will all be worth it and its my turn for stuff to go right.
I have applied and not gotten so many jobs in the past three years its getting to me. They were more just filler jobs until I got out of college and now I am applying for what I think I really want and I just want it to work out. Because I am running out of ideas, steam and motivation.
So just keep holding on, doing my best with out stressing too much and just wait. As hard as it is that is what I need to do. So here’s to saying some prayers and leaving it all up to God who has a plan that is far better than I could ever imagine.
I forgot what blog I saw it on……..It was Preppy Graduate.
I love this idea because lately it has been the little things that have been getting me through the week and looking forward to something big has been a big motivating factor in this crazy thing called senior year. So for now I may just go with coffee and cupcakes but I kinda want something different.
ANd I just realized that I posted What I love Wednesday on a Tuesday
Well this currently my phone lock screen and my computer background. Its from http://www.collegeprepster.com . I am in love with it. Just go and live your dreams go after them and they will all fall into place in the right time.
These two words rule my way of thinking. I think that I must put out the best work I can do so that I can accomplish what I want but that picture I have in my head is so high and perfect that I never end up starting said project.
This brings me to the pressure part. Wanting everything to be perfect puts me under so much pressure that I never even start and then the deadline looms closer and closer and then I eventually start. I say that I work better under pressure but is it true or I am just rationalizing my procrastination? This is the current dilemma I am in with so many of my deadlines not limited to my senior thesis and the many places I am applying.
So in the meantime I am going to work on said project before my family gets here for family day and we go to Deeproots,
So here’s a confession I really have no idea what to do on this whole job thing. Yes I have perfected my resume, yes i have applied to every job available it seems. And yes I know I am qualified because I know I can be awesome at whatever it is. That being said I just applied to like 6 jobs. They are all like first time jobs and i kinda feel like I should be doing more real world stuff, ok more stuff applicable to my major. And this among other things currently going on inside in my head. Thats all for now. Now its time for Beauty and the Beast because I am Belle, duh.