One|| The App Paper. Its amazing. I found it last week in the midst of the Eric Cantor loss in the VA Primary. Therefore most of my posts are relating that and what caused it because it came to a surprise to most especially those that don’t follow VA politics. I myself was in shock. I just love it because I can use while on Google Chrome and while on my phone. I haven’t had a chance to use it on my phone but the concept is great. Its better than liking posts on twitter and never actually reading them.
Two||Eric Cantor loosing his primary. More on this later.
Three||This Buzz Feed Article
This article explains my relationship with emotions perfectly, as in I would rather they not exist and quit making me talk about them. Yes , I do like you but no I will not smile because it looks like I am not happy. The ones to which I related to the most are: 2-5, 9-12, 16-18, 22. 22 is the best. Elsa is the best. Elsa is me.
Now that I finally finished the SheReadsTruth A Fresh Start Bible study I feel more calm. Calm because I know that no matter what I do or how much I fall down from what is right, He will pick me up and give me another chance. No matter what.
And lets just say that giving others the same is something that I need to work on. I am one to hold a grudge or at least get mad and stay mad for longer than most of my family. He wants it all and will take you where you are and will use you.
Right now I am in a period of transition. I know I will not live at home and will eventually get to where I belong but right now is a fresh start a fresh start with my family and making friends and I need to embrace it.
That’s all for now. Cannot wait to start John 1-3 study.
This entire study reminded me of a song which I am forgetting the name of…..
This is something that I need to work on. That’s why Thankful Thursday is one of my favorite posts to write. It makes me sit down and think and see that there is always something to be thankful for no matter how small.
And if you are single in this wonderful month of February try to remember that you do have people that love you and care for you no matter if you have a boyfriend or not. AND TRUST ME I KNOW HOW HARD IT CAN BE TO WAIT AND WHATNOT.
1. My family- This is a new arrangement for all of us. I know its difficult and like any family we are going to have days when we hate or strongly dislike the other person , but I know that they want to help me and love me. And I know they are trying to get to me to have a positive outlook all the time but its hard and I am trying. Its been fun doing stuff with my mom lately that while I was at college we didn’t get to do; I feel like maybe we are getting along better. My sister is trying to help in any way she can even though she is only twelve and my me and my dad are talking more (kinda) so I guess you can call that an improvement. All I know is that I do love them and thankful for what opportunities they have provided me with and I really do try to not make anyone angry its just really hard sometimes.
3. Scandal – The Politics of this show is AWESOME. ITS IN DC. Im in love. The president isn’t too bad looking either.
1. Music…….. because it explains my emotions so much better than I can ever. Yes, I actually have them, even though I act like don’t. For that I have my reasons…mostly being what is their use?
2. My education- Lame as that sounds. These past four and half years have taught me so much and I have met some amazing people along way. It has definitely solidified my passion politics. I mean I knew in sophomore year of high school when I took a trip there with my class. And my AP US History teacher who would go on about ATF and ICE…….I enjoyed every minute of it.
Sure, right now I have no idea what my job is going to be after I graduate or my plans after. But I am sure somehow someway I am going to make a difference. Given all the hell I get about the government from my father………..Ill figure out a way. Cause end of story.
3. All my new twitter conservative girls……..who I am not even sure who you all are. basically that convo saved my sanity.
4. Blogging. It has kinda changed my perspective on stuff and made me actually sit down and think, and then write my thoughts logically. That process would be great to happen for any of the papers I am currently writing.
5. Family and Friends – The select few that I have when it comes to friends- I wouldn’t trade them for anything. This kinda goes back to all the awesome people I have met these past four and half years. And for the ones I have known since 7th grade who no matter how long its been since we talked we pick up right where we left off. And even though in these conversations it seems I have all the #awkward stories. #StoryOfMyLife
And family— Well we have our differences and rough patches but I know you only want what is best for me. Wouldn’t trade them for anything either.
And this has been one of the hardest four years ever. It has challenged me with my family, my friends and just in generally. I am generally a type A control freak kinda person. I have grown up mostly in a Catholic family. I went to Baptist school…………..I have heard it all. I know in my head more than my heart that I do not need to worry about my future and that I will end up where I belong. Its just hard.
And another thing that is hard for me to phantom is that someone actually wants me to be happy and wants the best for me. Its hard for me to understand………Its also hard for me to understand how I do not have to gain someone’s love. That’s how its been my entire life. It just happens that is part of the reason I work my butt off. But then again something that I want is to get a job. Its hard for me to believe people when they appear to have their life together…..or at least have a job because I have been looking for a job- anything for about three years. And when people say to wait about having a job and that eventually the right guy will come along at the right time…..I AM TIRED OF WAITING. And Quite frankly seriously doubt God right now.
So sorry I am little hard to trust him— I cant see him, I can barley trust people I meet. So yeah. I am seriously doubting he knows what is best for me and wants what is best for me , where has he been since like 2008?? Seems to be nonexistent.
So all that being said…….I am gonna try and trust him. I mean things are looking better with my family. That and I am a logical person and it goes against logic. I am difficult and subborn and I know it.
This is how I feel right now. Like I can barley keep my head above the water but I also feel that all my work will pay off in the end. But right now its all falling apart around me and I am in one big giant mystery of where is my life going. And that maybe just maybe the past three years of hell in various ways will all be worth it and its my turn for stuff to go right.
I have applied and not gotten so many jobs in the past three years its getting to me. They were more just filler jobs until I got out of college and now I am applying for what I think I really want and I just want it to work out. Because I am running out of ideas, steam and motivation.
So just keep holding on, doing my best with out stressing too much and just wait. As hard as it is that is what I need to do. So here’s to saying some prayers and leaving it all up to God who has a plan that is far better than I could ever imagine.
These two words rule my way of thinking. I think that I must put out the best work I can do so that I can accomplish what I want but that picture I have in my head is so high and perfect that I never end up starting said project.
This brings me to the pressure part. Wanting everything to be perfect puts me under so much pressure that I never even start and then the deadline looms closer and closer and then I eventually start. I say that I work better under pressure but is it true or I am just rationalizing my procrastination? This is the current dilemma I am in with so many of my deadlines not limited to my senior thesis and the many places I am applying.
So in the meantime I am going to work on said project before my family gets here for family day and we go to Deeproots,