pressure

Southern Girl Essentials

Monday Motivation

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This made me smile because I know I have both of these but I also know that one won’t work without the other. The proof of this is  that I got a Congressional Internship and get to go. It’s a good reminder that you can have all the ideas in the world but without actually putting them to use and using that ambition intelligence will only get you so far.

So having no phone…….

Is hard. Not just because it has apps on it like twitter and stuff but because I do not have the ability to text my friends and right now they are my support / friends because I have still not met a lot of people who live close to me and are my age.

And I also use my phone as my camera. So all through the snow day fun I was not able to get that many pictures. I have some on my sisters computer but I have yet to upload them.

Its been a long week without my phone and makes me realize just how much I am attached to it and use it when I should be in fact talking to people in the room with me.

It feels weird not being completely on top of the news either which is the main reason that I use twitter.

Funny thing was on my #101in1001 list is to go an entire week without my phone. Guess I can mark that one off the list.

Confession: My faith has always been lacking

And this has been one of the hardest four years ever. It has challenged me with my family, my friends and just in generally. I am generally a type A control freak kinda person. I have grown up mostly in a Catholic family. I went to Baptist school…………..I have heard it all. I know in my head more than my heart that I do not need to worry about my future and that I will end up where I belong. Its just hard.

And another thing that is hard for me to phantom is that someone actually wants me to be happy and wants the best for me. Its hard for me to understand………Its also hard for me to understand how I do not have to gain someone’s love. That’s how its been my entire life. It just happens that is part of the reason I work my butt off. But then again something that I want is to get a job. Its hard for me to believe people when they appear to have their life together…..or at least have a job because I have been looking for a job- anything for about three years. And when people say to wait about having a job and that eventually the right guy will come along at the right time…..I AM TIRED OF WAITING. And Quite frankly seriously doubt God right now.

So sorry I am little hard to trust him— I cant see him, I can barley trust people I meet. So yeah. I am seriously doubting he knows what is best for me and wants what is best for me , where has he been since like 2008?? Seems to be nonexistent.

 

So all that being said…….I am gonna try and trust him. I mean things are looking better with my family. That and I am a logical person and it goes against logic. I am difficult and subborn and I know it.

Extra Dose of Motivation

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This is how I feel right now. Like I can barley keep my head above the water but I also feel that all my work will pay off in the end. But right now its all falling apart around me and I am in one big giant mystery of where is my life going. And that maybe just maybe the past three years of hell in various ways will all be worth it and its my turn for stuff to go right.
I have applied and not gotten so many jobs in the past three years its getting to me. They were more just filler jobs until I got out of college and now I am applying for what I think I really want and I just want it to work out. Because I am running out of ideas, steam and motivation.
So just keep holding on, doing my best with out stressing too much and just wait. As hard as it is that is what I need to do. So here’s to saying some prayers and leaving it all up to God who has a plan that is far better than I could ever imagine.

Pressure and Perfection

These two words rule my way of thinking. I think that I must put out the best work I can do so that I can accomplish what I want but that picture I have in my head is so high and perfect that I never end up starting said project.

This brings me to the pressure part. Wanting everything to be perfect puts me under so much pressure that I never even start and then the deadline looms closer and closer and then I eventually start. I say that I work better under pressure but is it true or I am just rationalizing my procrastination? This is the current dilemma I am in with so many of my deadlines not limited to my senior thesis and the many places I am applying.

So in the meantime I am going to work on said project before my family gets here for family day and we go to Deeproots,

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